Stanzas of Gibberish

Blog post I never wanted to post

2012-01-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

It's such a relief how far I have come from this...

Dec 28th 2009

Another year ending with the hope that the next one will be better. People have said I've grown, changed for the better...but I still feel like I'm 12 years old, scared of the world and myself. Depression consumes me and my anxiety level has increased dramatically since 2006. I'm taking Klonopin twice a day so I can sorta function. I have no energy, no passion, no desire to see friends or even try to maintain those friendships. I want to quit my band. I never thought I would, I have worked so hard to be a respected member of dreamtiger. James wrote me today, wants me to drive to LA on Wednesday to record vocals for the album. I feel nothing but resentment for James. I kept hoping things would change...but now I need to change. I love singing but dreamtiger has been complete mind fuck. I would be a masochist to stay. How many times will I put my hand in the fire before I learn it burns?
I'm gong to be 30 in 6 months. I can't even wrap my head around that. I don't feel that old. I haven't lived enough to be 30. When I look back on my life its one trauma after the other. Abuse, sickness, death, fear, loss, and pain. Life has been nothing but a struggle. Right now I'm struggling to keep my sanity. Depression steals your life and hope. That will drive to do unbelievably destructive things, how can you trust yourself in that state? I look for reassurance in the people around me. One thing I must say is that I have an incredible support system in my family. My mother, grandmother and lately my father very have made it very clear Im loved and will fight to save my life.
Me and My fiance's story is so convoluted but there is so much love there. Love is really all that matters to me. Honestly, what is the point of living without it?

I didn't do anything today but start Journaling. Well, I made myself food with a vegetable too. I don't eat well. I usually beat myself up for not writing a novel, painting a masterpiece, saving a cat..whatever. Being productive. I need to be nicer to myself. Right now my head is sick. When you are sick you need to take time getting better. I started, so I can feel good about that.

Change takes time. What else do I have right now but time. I'm going to keep trying until my last breath.

I forgot I had a blaaaaag

2011-12-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

One bottle of Chardonnay and it's only 9pm...I like to pretend I have an English accent while writing. I some how seem more charming and interesting that way. Perhaps you can pretend I have an accent while reading. It might make all the difference.
I am now 6 months away from being 32 years old. I have made some accomplishments that a "grown up" might make during this time...I am married and I live in a house with a mortgage in the suburbs. Two cats...no children, yet. I am still clinging on to my "Lost Boys" state of mind. I don't really act like an adult or feel like one, but I can play the part. I might be the most irresponsible adult that I know. I am looking for a new band to sing in. I make my living as an artist and I am still idealistic! Making art and music and having a good time are my top priorities at the moment...I am pretty sure my 30's ARE the best years of my life thus far.

Cough

2011-05-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

I desperately need a mental health week. A week for meditation. A concentrated mind set to block out any stress. Being "productive" is a constant problem for me. If I am not succeeding, I'm failing. I can't see through the walls that I build when I feel as though I am not living up to the high expectations I have for myself. My body told me I needed a break in the form of a heart arrhythmia. I spent all day in bed trying not to scare myself in to a full blown anxiety attack. I have had them before, usually during times of great change, depression or stress.
I need time to evaluate my situation. Get out of my routine and try new things. Giving yourself permission to regroup is so important. I hope I learn something during this time alloted.

My Kinda Girl

2011-04-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard a girl sing in a punk rock band I got a raging boner. My boyfriend at the time handed me his head phones and said "You're gonna like this". It was "Oh bondage, up yours" by The X-Ray Spex. Polly Styrene screeched and screamed! She hit notes that made me want to kick trash cans and get in fights with dudes! I was 16 and I KNEW I wanted to be like her music made me feel. Empowered, strong...The Runaways sang "I want to be where the boys are". I wanted to be where the girls were! Where were my kick ass woman?
Being 17 is pretty lame. The boys just want to fuck you and most girls transitioning are to0 insecure to ask what they want or need form ANYONE! I felt alone growing up. My punk rock boy friends would make fun of bands like "Bikini Kill" or "L7". The only riot gurls I knew where the fucked up drug addicts, not really in to doing much else. I gave up and went Goth. I listened to Bauhaus and cursed this ridiculous world I obviously wasn't EVER going to be a part of.
Being a girl, a young girl, a woman and elderly woman is fucking brutal. I have been called a stupid slut when dressed provocatively. This was not to entice men, I really didn't give a fuck about getting extra dick. I had a boyfriend. This was for me! Every attempt I made to express myself was shot down. Whore, Slut, Stupid, Tease, Attention Whore...This made me recoil even more in to the shell built by self hating, insecure boys and girls.
Today as a 30 year old woman I still strive to be assertive and honest with what I want and need. A 15 year battle, a battle I'm winning. I can't lie, when I meet a woman with integrity, intelligence and will kick your fucking ass and fuck whom she wants my heart lights up! It's hard but there are some amazing woman out there, and I will totally fuck you!

Xoxo
Desiree

Changes

2011-04-18T16:56:00.000-07:00

I died my hair red. Bad choice for a natural blond with a cool complexion. I'm on this very strict diet because I'm getting married in June. I want to look awesome in a wedding dress. I could go on about how hard this has been for me. Wedding, diet, dealing with mom...but there is far too much to expand on. I want to save you readers from the incidentals. The date is set for June 18th of this year. The day before my 31st birthday. I have a lot to celebrate. I have never been happier as far as my relationship with Garth. This is a joyful time for both of us. We will have been together for 10 years this October. It's an amazing feeling for me. I'm marrying my best friend. I am beyond happy about this new, exciting step in our lives.

Let them eat "my" cake

2011-03-22T00:22:00.000-07:00

Cake made from scratch is always better.

Are All Men Pedo Bears?

2011-02-15T01:03:00.000-08:00

According to scientists in the universities of Regensburg and Rostock in Germany. Research there on facial beauty has revealed that baby features are a characteristic of attractive male and female faces.

Perfect Beauty According to New Research in Germany

The scientists are running an online experiment on their website, inviting you to rate the faces yourself. The faces of supermodel Kate Moss and the French actress Brigitte Bardot are featured as examples of beautiful babyish faces.

Baby faces are characterized by:

Large eyes
Big forehead
Small, short nose
Small chin

Published by Anita Saran

It makes sense that men would be attracted to these features. Looking young indicates a fertile and healthy person.

There is a lot of evidence to support this theory if you look in to it more.

Gemini Girl

2011-02-09T23:19:00.000-08:00

Truth be told. I have a lot of fun with astrology. Ever since I was a 13 year old witch with my own altar and chanting affirmations under a full moon. I joke about it now but some times a birth chart reading is uncannily correct.

In love...This is right on.

Venus in Gemini people will try to win over the object of their affection with witty conversation, displaying just how much they "know", and demonstrating their diverse interests. These lovers are playful -- some might even call them a tease. They are hard to pin down, and they resist relationships that promise to become too "comfortable". Even those with their Sun in Taurus or Cancer, whose outward demeanor may suggest some reserve and caution, will want their relationships to be stimulating and full of conversation with Venus in Gemini. Venus in Gemini men and women don't want to be tied or bogged down in their relationships. They appreciate lightheartedness in love. Although they are willing to talk (perhaps endlessly) about the relationship, you may get the feeling that they gloss over some of the deeper issues. In love, their tastes change often, and it can be hard to know what to expect from one day to the next (or, sometimes, from one hour to the next!).

Pleasing Venus in Gemini involves supporting their need for fun and variety, showing interest in their brainpower and knowledge, and giving them space for friends and activities outside of the relationship. Let them know just how much fun you have with them. Try not to get overly miffed by Venus in Gemini's changeable, fickle ways. Remember that time spent with your lover will be exciting and invigorating.
passionate affair, your timing can be off and/or it's difficult to find a relationship that mirrors your strong desires and expectations. Especially when you are young, there can be a real awkwardness with your social skills--this may or may not be apparent to others.Whether it's an infatuation or a full-blown love affair, relationships get you out of bed in the morning. You are passionate and seem to need an active romantic and sexual life to drive you. Often, this area of life is somewhat challenging, especially in youth. As much as you want to be involved in a

You are highly creative and generally are driven to express that creativity. Your passion for romance is often channeled into your creative output. For example, challenges in relationships may be a large part of the drive behind your poetry, music, or other art.

Love and hate are very much mixed together for you. You are prone to love-hate relationships with others, likely because your passions are such that the old saying "there's a fine line between love and hate" rings especially true for you. Some level of competitiveness, anger, frustration, or angst is present in your romantic relationships. Although you are quick to anger, you are generally just as quick to forget about it.

Playboy Mansion Game Room Shoot With Crystal Hariss

2011-01-14T22:31:00.000-08:00

Makeup/Desiree Cooper

Photography/Adam Rowell

Stylist/Lor-e Phillips

2010-10-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

Me in my makeup area
Lars Frederikson Liz Mendoza and Davey Havok.

Tim Armstrong, Liz, and Cast members

Saying Bye

2010-09-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

I never expected to feel THIS sad. The house feels empty. The thought of having children of my own is yet again not looking too appealing. I met my boyfriend's daughter in October of 2001. I was only 4 months into my 21st year and she was about to turn 9. It never fazed me that Garth had a child. I always thought she was a really cool kid. She liked the Power Puff girls and Miyazaki movies. She knew way more about reptiles and tarantulas than me. She also listened to Belle and Sebastian. She was by far the most interesting child I had come across.
She lived with her mother the majority of the time. Garth would pick her up from school and get her dinner. Sometimes she stayed with us but never overnight. Her mom has always lived only a couple blocks from us. Watching her grow up was just a part of my life. I dropped her off at various appointments and picked her up from school occasionally. I was always a little nervous around her. Her intelligence and willingness to disclose details of her life with out hesitation threw me off. I was used to dealing with guarded teens and young adults still trying to figure things out. She already had it figured out, her confidence made me uneasy. I spoke to her like a tiny adult. She never missed a beat with the conversation.
In 2006 Garth bought a three bedroom home. He kept an extra room for Elise and rented out the other one. At this point she was 14. I was dating a dude with a TEENAGER! This was endlessly interesting and the point where our relationship started blossoming into a trustworthy friendship. I always had respect for her and had a visceral need to stand up for her no matter what. I knew how crazy being a teen was. Not being her parent I always evaluated how her parents would treat her. I put myself in her shoes most of the time. I empathized with ever growing pain and new life lesson she dealt with.
I had a new career growing. I was a freelance makeup artist ready to take over! I always asked if I could practice on her. I showed her new makeup tips that she seemed to appreciate. We were both finding a new love for the art of fashion. She also started dating! This was something I wanted to give endless advice on. I told her dad to take her to Planned Parenthood. This was not a pleasant thought for him. I remember asking my dad to take me when I was 16. Me and my family had a more open dialog about sex and dating than Garth. This was postponed until she was 17. This was a poignant moment for everyone.
Elise moved in with us shortly after. I was stoked. She gave the house new life and I had a friend! I did her and her fends prom makeup. She did some modeling test shoots for Adam and Renee. I also hooked her up with a fashion show. We would listen to Lady GAGA and annoy the hell out of Garth. We tried on Betsy Johnson clothes and made fun of hipsters. We went out for coffee and talked about our relationships and life dramas. I would get pissed off at her stepdad, her mom and Garth many times because I thought they were treating her unfairly. The love I have for her grew and grew and still grows.
She decided she wanted to go to Portland State University! I was so excited for her. There really was no better choice. This summer went by pretty quickly. We all packed up and made a 5 day trip for Portland. Two days driving up. Two days in Portland and a day to drive back. I never expected feeling such sadness and loss. The night we said goodbye her Mom, Grandma and me could not stop crying in the hotel.
We started our drive back at 430 the next morning. We got back to San Diego at 10 pm. I walked in to an empty house. Her room was disheveled and I started to weep yet again. I love my Elise and know she will rock out in Portland. She is majoring in music! I also have a great excuse to visit one of my favorite cities on the planet. I love you Elise Gabriella Harris! Kick Portland's Ass! Check out our trip here

Fashion Experiment

2010-09-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

A week ago I decided to step out of my usual fashion shell. With the help of my Tea Cup friend and her clothes. I created a fun look for my lookbook page.

Drea Hull From Haute Magazine Featured me in their Fashion Friday section. Being compared to Debby Harry made my year! She is my rock and roll goddess!

Thanks Drea!

Into the woods

2010-09-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

Makeup By Me
Photog Thuy Tran

I need to do more location shoots like this!

I LOVE MY JOB!

2010-08-10T14:15:00.001-07:00

Photos from my last two shoots.

Comic Con 2010

2010-07-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

My booty consists of a Coilhouse Magazine, a love letter to alternative culture they say. I am all about supporting artists and their mission! I fell in love with a stuffed baby vampire that now sits on my bed and occasionally gets snuggled. I was falling out of my flats that had seemed to grow a half size that day. I found a lovely pair of black mary jane shoes embroidered with red flowers. This find saved my day.

See the Comic Con fun on my Flickr page!

What does this mean? It's so beatiful!

2010-07-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen double rainbow video you must!

Then watch Amanda Palmer get nuts with the keys trying to capture the joy, the intensity...The madness

Then and Now

2010-07-19T23:18:00.001-07:00

Not much has changed.

Musette and her Muse

2010-06-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

Makeup and hair by me
Photography by Musette
Model-Elise Harris

Bathory Sisters

2010-05-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

My roommate asked if I could do her makeup and take some photos. Her friend was coming over so I was like, "Hey, can I get you guys to get in a bath tub while I cover you in corn syrup and red food coloring?!?!" And then this happened.

Image Factory West Shoot

2010-05-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

Staring Michael Freeby

Makeup by Me
Photographer Adam Rowell
No retouching/photo shop!

I need to write a book

2010-01-27T14:14:00.000-08:00

Shit was way crazy when I was a teenager. I don't know about your adolescence, mine ruled and sucked but I wouldn't change a god damn thing.

Bitter Sweet

2010-01-15T00:05:00.000-08:00

This is a video of James and I totally making shit up at a band practice a while ago.
He just handed me lyrics and went from there.

Frost bites

2010-01-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

Snowy weather is balls... It's Pretty to look at. Fun for a week while lodged in a log cabin in Julian. Spending a day driving up Mt. Hood in Portland can be an adventurous undertaking when you live in sunny San Diego. Snow and freezing weather is a novelty to me. Having or wanting to endure east coast winter's or even in locations with overcast sky's fills me with anxiety. Right now people are wearing layers, scarves and earmuffs indoors. Right now I'm wearing a tee-shirt with cut off sleeves and my heater is off. Pleasant. Next time I think about moving to the east coast I will think about why people move to California. It's awesome.

Comedy 101

2010-01-13T13:48:00.000-08:00

My life is a slap stick comedy. I walk in to poles. I trip over my feet. I fall constantly. The best indecent, right out of a cheesy movie, was while I worked at Marie Calendars. I was wearing the basic uniform. White collared shirt and tie. I went to the back to collect pies for the front. It was early so the floors had just been mopped. I grabbed two Razzleberry pies, dark red filling. I proceeded to the front and suddenly saw my black converse shoe in front of my face. The two pies followed and fell on my clean white shirt. Of course all the men in the back laughed their asses off. All I could do was walk out and pretend my life was a comedy. Oh that crazy Desi. End. Role Credits.

Some will last forever

2010-01-01T23:17:00.001-08:00

90's dance party

2009-12-28T16:12:00.000-08:00

Why don't they have something like this is San Diego?!?!...Why don't they have ANYTHING cool in SD?

Debaser: 3rd Draft from Joe Lumbroso on Vimeo.

Dissection

2009-11-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

Meet Meg

2009-11-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

Meg is au naturel. Blistered and bruised. Unclad, pornographic and bloodstained. She won't just make you blush with her lascivious nature, but recoil in horror. You might think you know depravity, the sinful and twisted mind of a a person, then you meet Meg aka Lil Princess.
She is as raw as a freshly aborted fetus. The show? The soul? I don't know if they are conjoined twins. The sweet blond, the abashed women who plays with toys and wears baby doll dresses with big red bows whom also crawls through broken glass, used needles and sewers. She writes of agony and with anger. The flurry of perversity flowing from her pen will make your head spin and leave you wanting more. A beautiful fucking creature is Meg. Her duality is what makes her a treasure. Her honesty and frailty make her lovable. Her attraction to malevolence in a world obsessed with beauty makes her one of the most interesting people I have ever met.

Here is a Video of her and one of my oldest friends Andy. Obviously a total farce.

Meg and I

Meg in all her internet glory

High School/ Photo by Irene Stone

2009-10-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

Michael Garlington

2009-10-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

I AM that girl.

I had the Idea

2009-09-29T01:06:00.001-07:00

A Mark Ryden concept shoot two years ago. Archive

I would still like to do a shoot based on his Alice in Wonderland artwork.

Here's a cool one...mmm, babies.

Creeptastic Letters from boys

2009-09-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

#1. Hey I sort of feel like a creeper I've sent you messages before and you didn't reply so I'm not sure if you missed them or your not interested but I was just wondering if you want to go out for some coffee sometime?

#2 So I've 'stalked' you now and then for a while now (I'm still sad they changed it to "visitors") and there's something in particular I've wanted to say. I never really worked myself up to write you before because I always looked at your profile and thought you were just way out of my league, but some new circumstances seem to have spurred me on. This is probably all just sounds a bit odd, or may just not be anything you haven't heard before, but what the hell...
Anyway, just felt like I needed to tell you that before before I finish moving on up to Sacramento next week.

Message in a Bottle

2009-08-11T22:52:00.001-07:00

This is the BEST letter anyone has and probably will ever write to me. 19 is an amazing age. Still young enough to feel totally free and invincible, old enough to be independent and take full advantage of it.

My friends are golden

2009-08-07T14:21:00.001-07:00

ikoimonster: you're fiiine.

you're fine like wine baybeeeeeeeee

me: haha

ikoimonster: you get better with aaaaaaage.

me: best compliment ever

Photoshoot Experiment

2009-07-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

I set up my tripod, lights and rearranged my living room. My model/friend let me airbrush, glue, and attach various things to her. She also was quit willing to shed some clothing for me.
These are my two favorite photos from our shoot together.

Lest We Forget

2009-07-02T22:14:00.001-07:00

How fucking awesome the Buzzcocks are!

You knew I was not debutante

2009-06-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

There can be only one

2009-06-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

I found these year old citrus fresh, less smelly, Japanese cigarettes behind a book while cleaning. I haven't smoked in 9 months...I can't wait to see what other treasures are hidden in the abyss of clutter that I call home.

We would have made a cute couple then.

2009-04-06T22:02:00.001-07:00

me circa 1997

Garth circa 1990

We would have had lots a fun, but it wouldn't have lasted for more then a month.

Photograpghy Fun

2009-03-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Miss Bell

2009-03-04T14:35:00.000-08:00

Chrysta Bell is the model I worked with during the Soul in the Machine shoot. We were both very sick with a cold. We took some cold medicine I had and it got us stoned. She's a total star child and incredibly talented.
Here is a video of her performing.

Chrysta Bell -Live on iNCONTEXT.TV from dutch rall on Vimeo.

Soul in the Machine

2009-03-02T17:05:00.000-08:00

I would love to work on more sets like this one. The hair and costumes were amazing. I ended up with a great addition to my portfolio.

Day 41

2009-02-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

I love when it rains in San Diego. It actually hailed for about 2 minutes.
.

Love you Lux!

2009-02-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's harder then one would think

2009-01-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

I have not missed a day, but there is a lack of "art" or anything interesting about the photos I have taken. I'm trying to tell a story and make the pictures worth looking at. I'm failing at putting the two together. Well I have 359 more days to figure it out.
I had a photo shoot today. I'm really happy how the makeup turned out.

New Years Eve!

2009-01-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

Garth and I hosted a small party. He made coconut toasted shrimp and empanadas. I drank coffee, kahlua and home made whipped cream out of a fancy martini glass. We played pictionary and balderdash. Cassie got incoherently drunk, which was totally amusing. The night was perfect. I have an excellent feeling about 2009!

365 day two

2008-12-30T21:53:00.000-08:00

I spent today rearranging my closet. I always feel better when Things are organized. There is a dress that I have had since 1997. It's tight and black. The material is something I can only describe as a half breed of vinyl and leather. I would never wear in again, but can't seem to part with it. It's slowly becoming an antique, as far as I am concerned. I love to throw things away. I love starting over and redefining myself and my life. It's confusing when there really isn't any one thing that defines you. Part of me wants that, but I also want to evolve.

Ridic

2008-12-29T15:19:00.001-08:00

Love this photo.

Xmas 08

2008-12-26T21:17:00.000-08:00

At my Grandmother's.Way too much food. Lot's of presents. We watched The Dark Knight and Fiddler on the Roof. I am 1/8 Jewish.

Good Bye Red Hair

2008-12-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

She speaks the truth/ Bjork part two

2008-12-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

This month I have exhausted all of my reserved emotional energy to survive peacefully amongst the people I know. This is pointless. People are irrational. The details are not important.

Here are some lyrics that sum it up by our favorite Icelandic song nymph

Bjork - Human Behavior Lyrics

If you ever get close to a human

And human behavior

Be ready to get confused

There's definitely no logic

To human behavior

But yet so irresistible

There's no map

To human behavior

They're terribly moody

Then all of a sudden turn happy

But, oh, to get involved in the exchange

Of human emotions is ever so satisfying

There's no map

And a compass

Wouldn't help at all

Human behavior

2008-12-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

Multitasking on the freeway

listening to the rhythm of the falling rain

2008-12-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

The unpleasant events of yesterday night caused some pretty intense dreams. I bet the tylenol pm helped induce them as well. I was relieved to have woken up and face the unusually cold day. Now I have to shake off the grogginess and bad taste in my mouth and go to work in San Diego. Oh, how I love driving in the rain.

That stray

2008-12-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

She goes to my band's shows.
She calls me on the phone.
She is encouraging and caring.
She takes long drives with me.
She tells me the truth.
She confides in me.

She is my friend.

Dear Planned Parenthood

2008-12-01T13:28:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say thank you. You gave me a place to go when I was 16 for my birth control options. It was a quite awkward asking my father to take me. Though you enabled the inevitable "I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend now" talk. I don't know if most other teenagers did what I did. I cared more about not getting pregnant than the embarrassment.
Remember the days I came in hunched over with tears in my eyes? Yes, you took care of me when I had my UTI infections. I am forever grateful for the all the pap smears. The ones I didn't have to pay for. Tomorrow we have an engagement. I will get my free prescription for YAZ bcp, make my donation and be on my merry way. Thanks again.

Love,
Desiree

Day with Elise

2008-11-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

I have recently been getting more in to photography. Here are some photos I took of Elise. I dyed her hair. Elise with blond hair is the before photo.

Self

2008-11-30T02:56:00.000-08:00

Union Tribune Write Up!

2008-08-12T16:45:00.001-07:00

READ IT eeeeeeee!

Not Kosher

2008-08-01T17:38:00.001-07:00

I made a dress for Meg out of raw bacon. If I had more bacon I could have made something pretty fabulous. Scrags only bought two packages.

We are International

2008-07-23T15:12:00.000-07:00

We had orders to Japan and France and someone in Thailand. NYC radio station has been playing Blue June Sun for a month.

I'm giddy like a school girl

Zombies vs Sweden!

2008-07-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

One of the best bands to come out of Sweden, in my humble opinion. All around Swedish music is wonderful. Here are my top 5 favorite bands right now you should all check out.
1. Komeda
2. The knife
3. I'm from Barcelona
4. Lykke Li
5. El Perro del mar

Some things don't change

2008-07-18T15:42:00.000-07:00

I think I am always going to be that girl

2008-07-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

singing along to

He'll save the children but not the British children

Dreamtiger at the Casbah

2008-07-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

The show went well despite having the constant problem with the vocals. Apparently you can't have any reverb and volume simultaneously. I do believe it was our best show so far. Considering this was the fourth time we have played together as the newly assembled band. I'm still a bit stiff and awkward when on stage. Im not aware of my body and just focus on singing. Em pointed this out. She took some cool photos I will share with you all.

My X is a feminist

2008-06-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

I feel like a new man

I write to you all on the occasion of my Vasectomy. (actually it was
yesterday morning).
A vasectomy is a very simple surgery in which the scrotum is opened
with a small incision and the vas deferens connecting each of the
testicles to the rest of the plumbin' are severed and cauterized.
Vasectomies is close to 100% effective form of birth control. I am
fixed.
The vasectomy does not affect my hormonal cycle; it does not affect
my sexual function. My testes continue to produce sperm, they just
don't GO anywhere now.
Vasectomies are reversible at some expense (the high end is $50,000
but you can get them done at schools, kind of like dentistry on the
cheap) but i can't imagine needing to have kids anytime soon. In fact, i
expect to be quite busy raising other peoples' kids.
My vasectomy will not cause me to gain weight, have a disrupted
hormonal cycle, have insane periods, lose my mind, tear my uterus or
accidentally sterilize me, side effects not unknown to every form of birth
control available to women. if you are a man that 'does it' with women
and you are as craven and cynical as i am, please consider a
vasectomy. You will be doing us all a favor.
The state of Washington paid for my vasectomy. the "Take chArge"
program through the WA. state DSHS provides public funding for vasectomies.
Interestingly enough, if you are a woman and you want to get fixed,
they make you go to a psychologist (whether or not they allow you to
get the surgery) and they cost much more. Also interesting, a hep C test
costs 90$ in WA. but a vasectomy is free... Member-ship has its
privileges...
The operation was very fast and relatively painless. the nerdy
middle aged lady doctor shot my scrotum up with lidocaine (the syringe was
the size of a carrot and was pretty intimidating) and after that i
hardly felt anything. I saw little wisps of smoke rise up as she
cauterized the sperm-tubes. Medipak makes a cauterizing pen specifically for
vasectomies.
After the operation i read some shitty comics and wished i could run
around. The hole they make in your scrotum remains open and is the but
that tAKES the most healing. My balls ache vaguely but other than that
i'm in no pain.
I am to wait two months AND 15 ejaculations (both, not either or)
before i am to be sure i am firing blanks so if anyone needs to get prego
by me ('it's in there!') make sure you do so by september.
Okay! June 10th and it's 40 degrees and pouring rain! I love
washington!
I'll see everyone between the 16th and the 29th of july; i expect to
be in the gay area 16th-19th and SD following that.

-K

I suggest all you men who aren't planning to have children follow in Kev's foot steps .

The worst thing to find under your pillow

2008-06-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

Strange guys house, room and bed. "you look tired"."You can crash in my room for a while". Ah, excellent idea. I have been driving around LA all day...sounds good. I climb in to the inviting comfortable looking bed. I sleep for about 20 minutes. Hmmm, What's this? It's hard and cold. It's under my pillow. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
I don't move for a good 5 minutes, staring with one hand covering my mouth. I delicately move it to the desk...I decide I can not go back to sleep while staring at it. I open a drawer to hide it neatly away. Inside the drawer is a mound of $20 bills. Interesting. I decided to call Garth because I was alone in Culver City in a house, in the ghetto, with a man I know nothing of. PANIC
Later that evening he made me potato tacos with homemade salsa. He made me up a bed in the living room. Before I called it an evening I hinted that I found his special friend and moved it to a drawer. He nodded and that was it. Karina got in around three am and we were suppose to leave at 4 am to get to la in time for our makeup gig...We ended up sleeping through it. It wasn't a paid job but I would have liked to make dead people.We did end up going to our first job on Wednesday after driving around for an hour looking for the place. I don't think I want to go back there anytime soon.

At Pop Noir

2008-05-31T01:29:00.000-07:00

From the Rowell Photo Workshop With Chelsea

2008-05-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Recap of this week

2008-05-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

MayStar

At the House of Blues

Doing Makeup at Pop Noir

Makeup for Photo work shop today

Test Shoot

2008-05-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

Relax Bar

2008-04-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

love

2008-04-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

When I was young my grandmother would always make this wonder pot of Turkey Dumpling soup. It always made me feel better. It seemed to cure me when I was sick or comfort me when I had a bad day. She taught me how to make her dumplings. Some how I know I will never to make them like she does.

2008-04-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Your Score: Don't Panic!

98

Ok, chances are you are an intelligent thoughtful individual who thinks about the big things such as purpose and life just a little more than you would like. 'Ignorance is bliss' takes on a whole new meaning to you. You maybe feel alone or isolated from those around you , it feels as if you are the only one that percieves the world in the way you do. Life is often fustrating as you strive to find some great purpose or happiness, though if you're honest with yourself you are not sure that such a thing exists.

Some people can happily get on with life in this state of mind, others have more difficulty dealing with it all.. If you are one of the latter then it might not hurt to read up about Existential Depression, and other depression disorders. From there seeking proffessional help or at least finding someone to share your feelings with can be the best way to go. No matter how much it sometimes seems like it it is important to rememebr that you really aren't alone, there are others out there that think like you do and feel like you do, and many studies into how to deal with such feelings and what causes them.

Stay strong.Feel free to say hello if you need to chat!

Link: The Existential Depression Test written by lucifersnoodle on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(lucifersnoodle)

My body sucks

2008-04-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

I have such low energy. I don't know if I push my self too hard when Im out, my endless stress and anxiety. Probably a combination of a lot of things. I think im going to try and go to sleep earlier then 4 am.

Photo

2008-04-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at Distinction. Cassie trying to look "arty" for me

Marie at Distinction Art Gallery

Chris and Marie

I just conceived my baby!

2008-04-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

Im so happy I have a brain child growing in the grey matter. Its going to fucking rock. Emily and Garth are all ready on board. Its alive! ALIVE!

Even numbers

2008-04-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

2008. 28. This year I have decided is going to be my year. Im too old to give a fuck about what has plauged me in the past. Im not old enough for it to be too late. I have dreams baby! I have goals...oh yes, its going to happen. Watch me bitches!

Old ink

2008-04-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

I have a tattered sheet of notebook paper that is 10 years old. On it is a list of ideas I came up with Kevin laird in 1998. We had a plan to take " avant-guard " photographs. Here they are written exactly as they are this piece of paper. I think i still want to do a few of these.

. London after midnight- sharky-grin
. Flour and water- flour dripping down skin, color contrast
. Manjari holding water-looking pure in the middle of a gross street. ( Manjari girl we knew)
. Girl as part of a landscape- Candy! her in a pile of candy stuck to melted lollipops. Kevin writes "advanced pornography" we had the idea before Suicide Girls.
. Environmental Contrasts-Baby-Doll, girl surrounded by jagged waste
. Transformation-beauty to ugliness Cosmetic disfiguration
. Band photo in ruined grocery Store
. We have a gun! ( i don't know what that one means)
. White underwear- Splattered paint
. Body painting
. Animal People-quasi human primal people
. Rima amongst mannequins-focus on her eyes. (rima was a girl we knew who pretty much looked like a mannequin
. GORE!
. fucked-up perspectives -too large, too small
. A baby A baby! ( again I don't what this means?
.Kevin porn (haha)
. Fascist Dress-up's Drop colors on colored backround
.Black person white face, White person black face, tongues touching
.Broken glass-perfect body, dirty fingernails
. light bulbs in their mouth standing in a line
. A picture of the Beautiful Mutants dressed up like the Beatles
. People holding sadistic message signs

Unfortunately we never got around to any of it.

My saturday night

2008-04-06T01:26:00.000-07:00

Em, Charles, Garth and I form a pulsating mass of geek.

The night we met

2008-04-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

0ct 2001. I was 21 and he was 28. My life completely changed in one night...I will be 28 this June. I remember thinking "what if we were together for that long"? "What will my life me like when I am 28"? It seemed so far away, impossible to really imagine. Now we are here. Here seems really good right now.

I found an old babyfight post. Garth's recap on the night we met. I am the sad girl he is talking about in the last paragraph.

October 1, 2001, 2001 - The Hills Are Assholes

– Interesting weekend. You?

Went and helped my brother move. When I moved into my apartment, the only person moving anything was me. I even helped my roommate move. When my bro moved on Saturday he had approximately seventy million people helping him. I thought we were going to build a fucking pyramid. His new house is cool, in spite of being yellow. I got to hang with my youngest brother and my little sister, which was nice too. I just want to know how Chris scores the population of Iowa City to help and I get yrs. truly. feh. Maybe it's relative furniture sizes. My large furniture consists of my bed, which is easy to take apart, my desk, which is going in the goddam trash when I move out of the Crapartment, and my glass table, which is very interesting to move by oneself, let me tell you. The top is in the neighborhood of one thousand pounds of glass, and I looked really funny (I'm supposing) staggering around with it while moving. fooey.

Chris just wrote, he said "RIDE THAT ASS, BRUCE! MAKE HIM YOUR NAUGHTY PONY!". I can't make sense of it, but maybe someone else can. Send him a love note (of course, he's the only one who ever reads this site, so I'm not really causing him any trouble, am I Chris?) at this address.

Okay, Seanbaby finally made a small update. Apparently, since he rocks so hard, he rocked the face off of his computer, and was unable to update for a while. It's nothing great, like Something Awful has been lately, but it's better than no Seanbaby at all.

On an interesting note, I met a woman last night who was the coolest, saddest person. I like sad people, I dunno. She was very pretty, but also worried about things, stuff was weighing heavily on her brain. Maybe she was just sad cuz she was talking to me. That's been known to happen. Her friend had a quite impressive top on. tooooop...uhhhhhh. All right, the use of "" tags basically gives me a "Get out of sex free, for the rest of your life" card. God damn it, I spend too much time with computers.

Check out Joe over there. He's got Jimmy No-Neck creeping hard on him.

Why is it that missed opportunities hurt so much? Feh!

Its October now.

Garth and Elise

2008-03-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

At Relax Bar...not ftw

2008-03-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

The drive up

The dreamtiger boys

Moscow

Michelle

It was hilarious. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. None of it was our fault. The technical difficulties were endless. A guitar string broke and hit our bass player in the face in the middle of a song. Sound went out...We were suppose to go on at 10 45. We ended up playing 2 hours after we were suppose to go on. Despite it all people that were still there at 1 am liked the show.
I had a great time regardless of Murphy and his law.

Dreamtiger this Friday

2008-03-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

See us play March, 28 2008 at Relax Bar. 5511 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles, California 90027
Cost : $8.00

Road to Nowhere

2008-03-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

Old photo blogging

2008-03-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

I just love this picture. This is when Charles decided on a whim for me to cut his hair one night. I had never really cut anyone's hair before. I mean once. I cut my best friend Annemarie's hair when we were both really drunk. She had long, think beautiful dark curly hair. She have me a pair of scissors and I gave her a pixie cut. haha...She totally cried the next day. I thought it was hot.

club violaine

2008-03-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

This night pretty much sucked for me. I was so sick. I slept most of the drive up to la. When we got there it was raining and cold. I wanted to sleep in the car. Garth, Charles and em were going to go. I called garth and asked him to skip this one.
Here is a video of the last song from our set that night. It looks like Im going to pass out.

This year

2008-03-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I want to do... The first thing is getting my estheticians license. That will take about 6 months. They have classes at the Palomar cosmetology institute in San Marcos. Im going to set up an appointment for next week. Not going to be moving to LA anytime soon so this is something I want to work on in the mean time. I can always do makeup on the side.

The Beautiful Mutants 1997-1998

2008-03-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

My first band. Devo meets Blondie

Gotta love the Sailor Suit.

My first show!

2008-02-24T23:19:00.000-08:00

The place was a total dive. Small but packed. It didn't matter who the crowed was or where i was. I had a bad case of stage fright... When I opened my mouth to sing the first song in our set I I couldn't produce enough breath. I strained to hit a note. The song continued and I started to feel the music. I tried again and was able to project more. The problem was I couldn't hear what i was singing. My ears could only pick up Mike's drums and James's guitar...The more we played the more relaxed I became and soon felt like a warm blanket of sound enveloped me. I sang as loud as I could even though I couldn't hear myself. You know when you are alone and you sing along to your favorite song while wearing you headphones? Imagine that but with people listening...It was my first show so whatever. It was a great experience and I can't wait for the next one.

A night I don't remember

2008-02-21T20:15:00.001-08:00

This must have been between 1998-1999. The first thing that comes to mind is Nick Galvas. I met him when I was 15. He started a band called Wingdilly. It was my first taste of punk rock music sang by a beautiful, complex and angsty boy. He died of a heroin overdose a few years after this was taken.
These are all things, the moments that mold who you are. A thank you to Manjari Doxey for posting this.

I'm not flaky, just tired!

2008-02-16T10:54:00.000-08:00

Lack of sleep, too much stress and weird work hours just wear me out sometimes. Boot invited me to this mocha reunion last night. I guess they were all going bowling. I had every intention of going. I got out of the shower and passed out. May also tex-ed me and asked if I was going the the airport lounge. That sounded like fun. Stupid body...I have been taking b vitamins, green tea extract and Emergen C...Everyone has that death flu. I'm not going to get it! Airain came to work crying and shaking with a fever. After she left I seriously sprayed down everything with rubbing alcohol. Like the phones and have been ocd had washing. I need a biohazard suit. Not only for its awesome germ protection but they look cool to. I could start some post apocalyptic, Devo-esque fashion trend.

2008-02-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

If you could use one word to describe me it would be "emotional" I wrote lyrics to a song the other night. I haven't tried to write anything other then blog posts in about a year. I was hesitant about sending them to James. He said he really liked the lyrics and would make them in to a song I would sing. He teaches writing so his opinion about them mattered to me. It might seem like a small thing to get worked up over. It gave me a confidence boost. I think everyone needs positive feedback. Unless you're a narcissist. I would say I am a person who lives for passion and intense emotions. It might be too intense, I need to settled down sometimes. Writing is a great outlet for that. I'm going to keep at it.
The last Fashion Whore was on Friday. C'est la vie...I'm feeling really nervous about our show on the 23rd. I hope I don't pull a "Chan Marshal" and freak out. I'm probably going to be quitting my job in the very near future. I haven't been able to focus on what I want. More free lance work for one. Also, that place has been making me feel deeply depressed. Just the thought of not having to work there makes feel better. It could have been a really cool job if the management wasn't totally incompetent. Im getting tired of having to check to see of they are paying me the correct commission. It's a total nightmare.
Even though everything seems hard and stressful right now I know I can turn things around. I love the thought of change. The worst things for me are having a routine and feeling bored. Also sitting at home. I have been doing way too much of that. I'm making an effort to be more social. I think i need that right now.

More from the Tim G. Photo Shoot

2008-02-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

2008-01-31T23:41:00.000-08:00

This was taken at Hamburger Mary's. Sometimes I miss sitting in front of that fucking coffee shop chain smoking with Garth, charles, boots and Marie. For some reason things were less arduous. I guess that's what getting older does. It will never be that simple again. That's why I feel so nostalgic. I felt like I had time to figure things out. I'm also feeling bummed because my roommate is gone. Really weird, because we had a pretty much undefinable relationship. We were in eachother's lives though. For a really long time...Now I have to get use to some new d-bags. Also, my bird Pickle died today. The only two girls I liked at work quit. I wouldn't say today was traumatic, just very unsettling. I seriously have no clue how this year is going to turn out. It's a really odd feeling.

2008-01-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

Chelsea

2008-01-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

I will be getting the CD of all the prints on Friday. I will go through them and see if there are any good shots for my portfolio. You can't see the makeup very well on any of these.

Tim Gleason Photoshoot

2008-01-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

Show in LA

2008-01-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

Our first show will now be on February, 23 at Sis’s Bar in LA. I hope the bar is seedy and filled with an array of depraved persons.

bad night

2008-01-09T00:43:00.000-08:00

My grandmother had a heart attack about a week ago. She was scheduled for surgery this morning. The surgery didn't happen. Im not completely sure why. I have been getting my information from people who aren't totally clear on what's happening. I basically got that they don't have a stint that will fit her heart. I was also told they don't know where to go from here. Me and my grandmother are very close. I have more memories of her then my own parents. Needless to say Im beside myself. I have really been trying to be strong and work through bad feelings the last couple months. For the most part I have. Tonight i just broke down a little. I got in to this ridiculous fight with Garth over boundaries. He posted something on his blog that well, hurt my feelings...We have these epic battles. I had time to think about it after the dust settled. I'm just sensitive right now. Im also sick with a cold. Getting in to a fight over blogging was a bit disturbing to me. The online diaries are bizarre. You censor your self or not but you are always aware people read what you have written. There have been so many posts I have deleted after writing. What is the point in letting some god awful detail about your life known? I guess I have a couple reasons. It's cathartic. You write in to a void instead of it balled up under your bed. Sometimes you just want someone to know...its a way to feel connected with out really having to.
Its one in the morning and im talking to my computer about my shitty night. Good night computer. See you tomorrow.

Dreamtiger at the Casbah

2008-01-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

James got us a gig at the Casbah on March 3rd. We will be opening for A Place To Bury Strangers. Im excited!

Stanzas of Gibberish

Blog post I never wanted to post

I forgot I had a blaaaaag

*Cough*

My Kinda Girl

Changes

Let them eat "my" cake

Are All Men Pedo Bears?

Gemini Girl

Playboy Mansion Game Room Shoot With Crystal Hariss

Saying Bye

Fashion Experiment

Into the woods

I LOVE MY JOB!

Comic Con 2010

What does this mean? It's so beatiful!

Then and Now

Musette and her Muse

Bathory Sisters

Image Factory West Shoot

I need to write a book

Bitter Sweet

Frost bites

Comedy 101

Some will last forever

90's dance party

Dissection

Meet Meg

High School/ Photo by Irene Stone

Michael Garlington

I had the Idea

Creeptastic Letters from boys

Message in a Bottle

My friends are golden

Photoshoot Experiment

Lest We Forget

You knew I was not debutante

We would have made a cute couple then.

Photograpghy Fun

Miss Bell

Soul in the Machine

Day 41

Love you Lux!

It's harder then one would think

New Years Eve!

365 day two

Ridic

Xmas 08

Good Bye Red Hair

She speaks the truth/ Bjork part two

listening to the rhythm of the falling rain

That stray

Dear Planned Parenthood

Day with Elise

Self

Union Tribune Write Up!

Not Kosher

We are International

Zombies vs Sweden!

Some things don't change

Dreamtiger at the Casbah

My X is a feminist

The worst thing to find under your pillow

At Pop Noir

From the Rowell Photo Workshop With Chelsea

Recap of this week

Test Shoot

Relax Bar

love

Your Score: Don't Panic!

98

My body sucks

Photo

I just conceived my baby!

Even numbers

Old ink

My saturday night

The night we met

Garth and Elise

At Relax Bar...not ftw

Cough