My first show!

The place was a total dive. Small but packed. It didn't matter who the crowed was or where i was. I had a bad case of stage fright... When I opened my mouth to sing the first song in our set I I couldn't produce enough breath. I strained to hit a note. The song continued and I started to feel the music. I tried again and was able to project more. The problem was I couldn't hear what i was singing. My ears could only pick up Mike's drums and James's guitar...The more we played the more relaxed I became and soon felt like a warm blanket of sound enveloped me. I sang as loud as I could even though I couldn't hear myself. You know when you are alone and you sing along to your favorite song while wearing you headphones? Imagine that but with people listening...It was my first show so whatever. It was a great experience and I can't wait for the next one.

A night I don't remember

This must have been between 1998-1999. The first thing that comes to mind is Nick Galvas. I met him when I was 15. He started a band called Wingdilly. It was my first taste of punk rock music sang by a beautiful, complex and angsty boy. He died of a heroin overdose a few years after this was taken.
These are all things, the moments that mold who you are. A thank you to Manjari Doxey for posting this.

I'm not flaky, just tired!

Lack of sleep, too much stress and weird work hours just wear me out sometimes. Boot invited me to this mocha reunion last night. I guess they were all going bowling. I had every intention of going. I got out of the shower and passed out. May also tex-ed me and asked if I was going the the airport lounge. That sounded like fun. Stupid body...I have been taking b vitamins, green tea extract and Emergen C...Everyone has that death flu. I'm not going to get it! Airain came to work crying and shaking with a fever. After she left I seriously sprayed down everything with rubbing alcohol. Like the phones and have been ocd had washing. I need a biohazard suit. Not only for its awesome germ protection but they look cool to. I could start some post apocalyptic, Devo-esque fashion trend.

If you could use one word to describe me it would be "emotional" I wrote lyrics to a song the other night. I haven't tried to write anything other then blog posts in about a year. I was hesitant about sending them to James. He said he really liked the lyrics and would make them in to a song I would sing. He teaches writing so his opinion about them mattered to me. It might seem like a small thing to get worked up over. It gave me a confidence boost. I think everyone needs positive feedback. Unless you're a narcissist. I would say I am a person who lives for passion and intense emotions. It might be too intense, I need to settled down sometimes. Writing is a great outlet for that. I'm going to keep at it.
The last Fashion Whore was on Friday. C'est la vie...I'm feeling really nervous about our show on the 23rd. I hope I don't pull a "Chan Marshal" and freak out. I'm probably going to be quitting my job in the very near future. I haven't been able to focus on what I want. More free lance work for one. Also, that place has been making me feel deeply depressed. Just the thought of not having to work there makes feel better. It could have been a really cool job if the management wasn't totally incompetent. Im getting tired of having to check to see of they are paying me the correct commission. It's a total nightmare.
Even though everything seems hard and stressful right now I know I can turn things around. I love the thought of change. The worst things for me are having a routine and feeling bored. Also sitting at home. I have been doing way too much of that. I'm making an effort to be more social. I think i need that right now.

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